STUFF

GAME 33 FEBRUARY 18 2017 FOREST 1 WENDIES 2

LAWS OF THE GAME

Following the controversy surrounding the interpretation of F.A. laws after this match, we decided to clarify the situation with regard to the way the rules will affect Forest for the rest of the season.

The Penalty Rule
If a foul tackle shall be committed in the eighteen yard box, and that foul shall prevent a goalscoring opportunity, a penalty shall be awarded. and the offender shall be shown a red card. Well, that used to be the rule, but the sanction was reduced to a yellow card on the grounds that under the old rule the offending team was being punished twice, a concept known as "double jeopardy". The "double jeopardy" in this case, presumably, was that the penalty was saved, and Forest almost immediately conceded at the other end.

The McCormacks Rule
If Forest are awarded a penalty, that penalty shall be taken by the McCormack twins, who shall be so exhausted by the run-up that their kick shall resemble that of some fop rolling an egg.

The World Class Rule
Any goal scored against Forest shall be either (a) a never-to-be-repeated world class strike, or (b) a never-to-be-repeated world class strike.

The Consolation Rule
Any goal(s) scored by Forest at any stage of the match shall be considered consolatory.

The Rule of Diminishing Returns
If Forest play well, they shall lose. If they play badly, they shall lose by more.

The Competence Rule
Any referee with an I.Q. of over 50 shall be barred from officiating in any Forest match.

The Slight Knock Rule
All Forest central defenders shall suffer "a slight knock" and perish in a ditch just outside Newark.

The Midfield Rule
All opposition midfielders shall be bigger, stronger, fitter, faster and more proficient at cheating than their Forest counterparts.

The Signings Rule
The rules about Forest signings are so complex they need a manual all to themselves, but briefly:
All summer signings shall be declared Brexit fodder, except for the particularly useless ones who will turn up occasionally and contribute bugger all. Only one of the January signings shall be allowed to play in any given match. The reason given for such selections shall be "the competition for places", or "a slight knock".

The Brazilian Rule
Any interim manager promoted to the full-time position because quite frankly nobody else would touch the job with a forty foot pole shall go on a run of defeats so horrendous it shall be known hereinafter as "Having a Brazilian".

The Cloud Cuckoo Rule
Any Forest player who shows promise shall be declared "not for sale" by a management team who seem to have forgotten who they are working for.

The Rule of Shit
As a general rule, all events influenced by luck, random contingency or which side of the celestial bed God has got out of that morning shall work to the detriment of Forest.

The Hat Rule
If Forest escape relegation, the more pessimistic among us shall be instructed to eat this hat.



OTHER STUFF

Sadly, days later, the deal fell through.

Sadly, days later, the deal fell through.
"I met with several who I liked and two were very good candidates. Both have said it is a position they would be interested in, in the summer.
"It is a very important, sensitive position for the club. We want to get somebody in who cares about the club. We will continue to work on this but we may have to be patient."

SEASON 2016/17
01 06.08.16 FOREST 4 BURTON DOWN 3
02 12.08.16 HOVE 3 FOREST 0
03 16.08.16 BENTFORD 1 FOREST 0
04 20.08.16 FOREST 4 WIGGUM 3
05 27.08.16 FOREST 3 LEED 1
06 11.09.16 VILLA 2 FOREST 2
07 14.09.16 ROTHERINGHAM 2 FOREST 2
08 17.09.16 FOREST 1 NORRIDGE 2
09 24.09.16 WENDIES 2 FOREST 1
10 27.09.16 FOREST 1 COTTAGING 1
11 01.10.16 BRISTOLS 2 FOREST 1
12 14.10.16 FOREST 3 BOREMINGHAM 1
13 18.10.16 BLACKBum 2 FOREST 1
14 22.10.16 FOREST 1 CAERDYDD 2
15 29.10.16 READING LADIES 2 FOREST 0
16 05.11.16 FOREST 1 Q. P. LADIES 1
17 19.11.16 DIPSWITCH 0 FOREST 2
18 25.11.16 BARNSLEH 2 FOREST 5
19 02.12.16 FOREST 2 NEWCASTLE 1
20 11.12.16 SHEEP 3 FOREST 0
21 14.12.16 FOREST 1 NOB END 1
22 17.12.16 FOREST 0 WONDERBRAS 2
23 26.12.16 UDDERSFEEL 2 FOREST 1
24 30.12.16 NEWCASTLE 3 FOREST 1
25 02.01.17 FOREST 0 BARNSLEH 1
26 14.01.17 BOREMINGHAM 0 FOREST 0
MONTY GONE GB, JL, RP i/c
27 21.01.17 FOREST 1 BRISTOLS 0
28 25.01.17 LEED 2 FOREST 0
29 31.01.17 FOREST 2 ROTHERINGHAM 0
30 04.02.17 FOREST 2 VILLA 1
31 11.02.17 NORRIDGE 5 FOREST 1
32 14.02.17 COTTAGING 3 FOREST 2
33 18.02.17 FOREST 1 WENDIES 2









Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to day, to the last syllable of recorded time; and all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury signifying nothing.