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Still housekeeping. The 24/25 reports and results will stay in the match report archive until the start of next season. Le Club Foot du Monde - "Follow the Money" The World Club Foot is a soccer competition in which mysteriously selected clubs play each other for vast sums of oil money. This year the tournament is being held in the USA, which seemed a good idea at the time. SEMI FINALS ✺   PSG 4 - 0 Real Madrid Midway through Real's humiliation, the camera picked out the agonised expression on the face of FIFA's Lord Infantino. It must have dawned on him that PSG's dominance had rendered the whole World Club Foot a pointless waste of time, at least in terms of global branding, for there was nothing Worldly about restaging the UEFA Champions League on the wrong continent. A victory for Real might have had greater appeal to the FIFA boss in a country which prefers glossy hype to proper football, but by the end of the match Real Madrid resembled nothing more than a clothes-line full of white shirts flapping in the wind. ✺   Fluminense 0 - 2 Chelsea Fluminense's Thiago Silva who used to play for Chelsea praised Chelsea's Joao Pedro who used to play for Fluminense after Joao Pedro whom Chelsea signed from Brighton for £50 million scored twice on his debut for Chelsea. Words cannot express how delighted we are that Chelsea have reached the final of the World Club Foot, a competition which has restored our faith in the power of money and the dominance of European football.

Little Ed's Worst Films in History First game - home to Bentford. Wait a minute, Stress, isn't this illegal? What's that then, Pie? Publishing the fixture list without permission. Don't worry, Pie, I checked. You can do whatever you like as long as nobody notices. Anyway, Bentford at the City Ground should be a doddle, now that Frank Thomas is having his weird way with the Tosspots. Really? Really. Then there's Palearse at Palearse. That all depends who ends up in the Europa League. If Palearse get kicked out, they'll be furious, completely lose their heads, and lose the match. If Palearse keep their place, Forest will be furious, completely lose their heads, and batter them. It's a win win. I suppose Wet Hams will be a doddle too, eh? But what about the Arse away? I think they're done, Pie. Repeated failure to win anything has punctured the Arse. They'll be as nervous as kittens when the boys in red turn up. Or blue. Or yellow. And then the happy return of the Shy Moor Folk... ...for their annual premier league adventure, ending in defeat after defeat, because they're just weird. And Sunderland at home will be another three points easily won. That's eighteen points from our first six games. Not bad, eh? You're a smart fella, Stress. A smart fella.