Nottingham Forest 1
MGW 5, Williams 45
Palearse 1
Sarr 45+2 (pen)

So you're telling me you knew exactly what would happen.

I am, Pie. I perdicted everything. The goals, the goalscorers, the result, everything.

Perdicted?

Exactly, Pie. It's all a matter of what I like to call the Buttercup Effect. So if somebody trod on a buttercup in Stafford then everybody in Retford would get shingles. It's like a chain of events. If you can spot the chain you can predict the result.

I see. So what did you predict in this match?

Well, I perdicted that Palearse would think that Forest would think that Palearse were in low spirits because the club was falling to bits, so Glasner, being a wily old fox, would order his troops to take Forest by surprise by attacking from the off, thus showing that Palearse were no pushovers. And they did.

It's predicted, not perdicted.

So then I perdicted Forest would score because Palearse were too attacking and their defence was crap. And I perdicted that MGW would score the goal.

How on earth could you possibly predict that MGW would score the goal?

Because he was still celebrating his birthday. He always scores when he has a birthday in the year. And he was born in Stafford, where the buttercups live. Keep up, Pie.

This is just bollocks, isn't it Stress?

I perdicted that Forest would get a bit cocky because they thought things were going their way and they would try to play expanding football, but leave themselves a bit open.

Expansive football.

Yes, and I even perdicted that Neco Williams would give away a penalty.

Don't be silly.

It happened because of what I like to call the Massive Fart effect. You see, Neco Williams has been Forest's best player for ages. His confidence has swelled like wind in a fat man's belly. Eventually that wind has to escape in the form of a Massive Fart. In Neco's case it was a Massive Brain Fart. Poor old Neco. He'd been too good for too long, he was bound to bugger things up big style. I knew this, so was not surprised when he gave away that handball penalty.

Astonishing.

I know. And I perdicted that even with ten men Forest would be more than a match for Palearse. I even perdicted Palearse would hang on to what they'd got by trying to kill the match. And I perdicted that the result would be 1-1, because everybody knows you just repeat the score from the first half of the season.

Truly astonishing. But since you've become the Master of Perdiction, I'm sure our readers would love to hear your predictions for the rest of the season. So tell us, how will Forest do?

That's easy, Pie. Forest will sign nobody worth signing, Edu will mysteriously disappear, and Forest will spend the rest of the season desperately trying to cock things up but failing and ending up in 17th place.

You heard it first here, folks. But not from me.