WORLD CUP STUFF

QUARTER FINALS France 2 Morocco 0 In yet another shock in this World Cup of Shocks, Morocco eliminated two-time winners France in spectacular fashion to reach the semi-finals, where they will meet Japan or Qatar in what is already being dubbed the Impossible Dream match, in the middle of which you will wake up and discover that the only things Mbappe has to learn is how to dive without looking like a clown and how to pretend he isn't on camera more convincingly. Apart from that, he is perfect. Let's hope, as the ITV commentator adoringly remarked, "he gets some ice on that precious ankle." Vomit. Spain 2 Belgium 1 While the BBC commentary team pursued their erotic relationship with LAMINE YAMAL!, a load of better players were labouring their way to what seemed, in the end, an inevitable Spanish win. Belgium tried hard, sprang a few surprises, but age definitely wearied them and their predominently potato based diet left them unable to sustain the amount of concentration needed to reach the end of this sentence fend off a boringly relentless Spanish side. If that match was dull, get ready for France versus Spain. Oh no, I forgot, it's MBAPPE! and LAMINE YAMAL! Norway 1 England 2 In a match of a thousand mistakes, England had the luck. That's it really. Luck and Bellingham. Tactics and skill were of no significance in this mess of a game, and the half time comment that England hadn't yet "found their rhythm" set me to thinking that England don't really have a rhythm - just a reliance on the odd bit of brilliance, the odd bit of luck, and a barrel load of guts. I read that Thomas the Tookle was angry at England's sloppiness, which is quite something from the man who is supposed to drill the team. Or perhaps disorganised courage, and Bellingham, could yet win us our second World Cup. I might be persuaded to like Bellingham more if he stopped pretending to be Christ the Redeemer on Mount Corcovado every time he scored. Argentina 3 Switzerland 1 There is much talk on YouTube that Argentina's progress has been fixed - by VAR, and FIFA, and Infantino. They've certainly had the rub of the green in all their matches. Sooner or later this murky love affair will have to come to an end. Let's hope it's against England.