Nottingham Forest 0

The Mighty Arse 1
Madwacky 80

STRESS'S BLOGUE

Fat Man said I could do this one, as long as I did a proper job like wot he would do if he could be arsed with no sweary stuff, so here goes.

80 minutes in, and Madwacky fires in a crappy shot which deflects off Cunha and flies past Sels, and that was that. Then he gives it the Big I Am, like some plastic fart off FIFA 26. 80 minutes in, for God's sake. 80 minutes of toil down the toiletto.

It wasn't as if they deserved it. Arsehole had no shots on target in the first half, because they're boring. Havertz headed wide from a rice-free kick because he's boring, while Gabriel's effort was cleared off the line because it was too bored to go in. As Old Uncle Boff used to say, Arsenal could bore the pus out of a running sore, whatever that means. And Forest made life difficult for them with a stout defence and the odd counter-attacking threat, but their efforts in the first half were thwarted by the corrupt stewardship of referee Oliver, who twice punished Forest players for headbutting their Arsehole counterparts in the elbow. Rumour has it that at half time Oliver was visited by Stabbo's uncle Dennis who runs a major burger franchise in Tuxford who told Oliver in no uncertain terms that if he didn't mend his ways he would or wouldn't live to regret it, and sure enough his second half performance was far less one sided. True story.

Trouble is, Forest can't shoot. Well, they can shoot, but they miss, a bit like Arse but without the deflections. I honestly can't remember who didn't miss. I suppose Sels didn't miss, though some of his long punts downfield came close. Even in the last ten minutes, Forest managed to miss two or three good chances. The most spectacular was Murillo's when he cut in from the left, rolled his studs over the ball twice to bamboozle the entire Arse defence, then blasted it over the bar. It was that kind of day - one of those "could've been" kind of days. If Forest had taken their chances, they could've even won it.

Me and Stabbo had this argument after the match. Stabbo said that wot with us being in the regulation zone it wouldn't be long before Marinakis pulled the trigger and I said it's releglation not regulation and anyway it's not Glasner's fault his players can't shoot and Stabbo said Whose fault is it then? and I said it was just plain bad luck and he said Glasner had won only two of his last sixteen Premier League games dickhead and I said so what dickhead I don't believe your Uncle Dennis runs a major burger franchise in Tuxford and then the landlord told us to pipe down or else so we did.

Trouble is, on my way home I got to thinking about what Stabbo said, and I wondered whether he was right. Is it Glasner's fault that we can't shoot or take decent corners or free kicks? Are we in danger of releglation? Will Marinakis pull the trigger soon? Does Stabbo really have an Uncle Dennis?

These and many more questions will be answered after the Dipswitch game. Or maybe they won't. Frankly, my dear, I don't give a sh damn.