STUFF

FOREST BOMBED OUT OF FRUITLOOP CUP
Glasner "not a happy rabbit" as Forest are sunk by Udinese and Barcelona
by Hugh Moran, Chief Sports Correspondent

Nottingham Forest's pre-season was thrown into further disarray as they were edged out of the prestigious Fruitloop Cup in Udinese's Blueenergy Stadium last night. Both 45 minute games taught us little that was not already known about the Midlands club's strengths and weaknesses. Against Udinese, Forest's Bench XI were largely garbage, apart from a promising start from new boy Xaver Schlager, and proved only that they couldn't score for toffee or indeed any kind of sugary confection including sherbert spaceships mmm.

The second game, against somebody called "Barsser" who apparently are all "ballers", illustrated only that Forest attract crooked referees like flies to dung. This particular ref, having denied Forest two penalties, managed to manufacture a Barcelona win by awarding them a penalty in the dying minutes, mainly to ensure a Udinese - Barcelona final, which the home side duly won.

Forest head coach Oliver Glasner, who bears a remarkable resemblance to Odo the shape-shifting security officer on Deep Space Nine, was scathing in his post-match comments. "I am once again not a happy rabbit at this time," he said. "I came to this club on the promise of unlimited resources, and yet you see that I have a squad of players who cannot score for toffee or indeed any kind of sugary confection including sherbert spaceships mmm."

Forest close their 2026/27 campaign preparations with City Ground goalless draws against Bayer Leverkusen and Stade Brestois 29 on Wednesday 12 August and Sunday 16 August, respectively.