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Still housekeeping. The 24/25 reports and results will stay in the match report archive until the start of next season. We got back from the Lands of the West to watch England grind out the narrowest of victories against Andorra, a small car park in the Pyrenees. We found the experience to be overwhelmingly dismal, and one which reinforced our suspicion that Thomas Tookle is a bit of a damp squit. For a manager whose Wikipedia entry described as "forward thinking" and "innovative", his team selection indicated almost completely the reverse. You would think that a match against one of the world's lowest ranked teams would be the perfect opportunity to try somethings or somebodies different, but what we got was this: ⊙   Pickford, a goalkeeper. You could tell he was a goalkeeper because he wore gloves. ⊙   A patchwork defence which included the titanic Dan Bum , for God's sake. ⊙   Jordan Henderson , who demonstrated his ageless ability to dominate redundant space. ⊙   Jude Bellingham , as charismatic as the schoolyard "gimmetheball" bully and ultimately as unpleasant. ⊙   Palmer , another overhyped and gormless looking disappointment. ⊙   Madueke did okay, Rogers was a bit flaky, Kane scored the kind of goal only Harry Kane could score, apart from me and a few others. Subs came on and were immediately subsumed into Tookle's world of robotic sloth. In general, England performed like a tired old bus in need of a good clean and a new suspension. Apart from Morgan Gibbs-White , who got three minutes. He almost created a second goal. If Tookle doesn't play him for much, much longer at the City Ground, he may not live to regret it. ENGLAND 1 SENEGAL 3 The polite version, from the BBC... Thomas Tuchel's demand for England to play with a smile backfired badly as the head coach and his players felt the full fury of their own supporters after an embarrassing defeat to Senegal. It is exactly one year to the start of the 2026 World Cup, and if this abysmal performance is a realistic indicator of England's hopes next summer, then the German will need to conjure up a miracle in the next 12 months. No discernible plan. No identity. No improvement – arguably even a regression – since Sir Gareth Southgate stepped down after defeat by Spain in the Euro 2024 final in Berlin. England's Euro 2024 was a tournament of big moments, such as Jude Bellingham's overhead kick in the win against Slovakia, rather than big performances. This has continued under Tuchel - but minus the big moments. The brave new era has been a false start, despite three wins against modest opposition, and even Tuchel must have been shocked to experience the hostility aimed in his and his team's direction by those fans who remained inside the City Ground at the end of this 3-1 loss. He may offer up the mitigating circumstances as he made 10 changes from the 1-0 World Cup qualifying win against Andorra, plus this was a friendly at the end of a long season. But it was still a sobering, alarming evening as Senegal outclassed England. England were dismal against Andorra. They were worse in defeat to Senegal. The less than polite version... This guy is crap. He doesn't know what he's doing. He's just a weird looking Megson with somebody else's left ear.

I don't believe any of it, Pie. What's that then, Stress? All this stuff, you know. No I don't know. What stuff? All this stuff about Mister Markymarks buying Bogota, for instance. It's all gone quiet about that, hasn't it? I looked it up, Pie. Apparently, Bogota is the capital of Columbo. It doesn't make sense, does it? Only to a psychiatrist. What's that? Nothing. What else don't you believe, Stress? I don't believe Morgan Gibbs-White will desert us. Nor Elanga. Who's Nora Langer? That's not funny, Pie. Sorry Stress. So you think Langer will linger longer, do you? That's not funny either. Why can't you take anything seriously? I'm sorry, Stress, but if you start worrying about all this internet garbage it'll drive you into an early grave. Then there's all this stuff about Mister Markymarks threatening to blow up UEFA. What's all that about, Pie? Well, as I see it, Stress, it's all part of a global conspiracy driven by Canadian drug overlords and Vatican podcasters to undermine the foundations of democracy by fomenting discontent among the Forest faithful. Really Pie? I don't understand any of that, therefore it must be true. You're a smart fella, Stress. A smart fella.